These Words from My Father That Helped Us when I became a Brand-New Father

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of fatherhood.

But the actual experience rapidly proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health issues around the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, each diaper… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he reached burnout. That was when a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The simple words "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get assistance. What can I do to assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although society is now more accustomed to addressing the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, less is said about the challenges fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are symptomatic of a wider inability to communicate amongst men, who still absorb harmful notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright every time."

"It is not a display of weakness to ask for help. I didn't do that fast enough," he adds.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental health is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to ask for a pause - taking a short trip away, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He came to see he required a shift to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of looking after a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has changed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan believes these will help his son to better grasp the expression of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Despite having an "incredible" connection with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says bottling up feelings resulted in him make "terrible choices" when he was younger to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to substances that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel under pressure, tell a family member, your spouse or a professional what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Remember your hobbies - make time for the things that helped you to feel like you before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the body - eating well, staying active and if you can, resting, all play a role in how your mind is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Know that requesting help does not mean you've failed - looking after you is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having been out of touch with him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead offer the safety and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the emotions safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their struggles, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I think my purpose is to teach and advise you what to do, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I'm learning as much as you are through this experience."